get funky

I have been in a funk lately. A yoga funk, specifically. This funk initially seemed to be random, accidental and uncontrollable. Like a bird pooping on my head. No one's fault. Certainly not mine.

After all, I was just trying to discipline myself to have a daily practice so that I could be a good person, obviously. Did I say discipline? What I meant was force. I was forcing myself to practice yoga. This involved unrolling the mat and actually setting a timer on my watch so that I could ensure that I practiced for an hour and a half. I would then berate myself if I felt like stopping after 30 minutes, or if it seemed that my heart wasn't in it.

To be a good person. I was raised in a culture that has a slight issue with perfectionism. Oh yes, I learned from the best, although my perfectionism manifested in different ways. I have a slightly obsessive habit of creating to-do lists. I am even more obsessed with crossing things off of my to-do lists. Indeed, I will write something that I have just completed on my list, just so that I can cross it off. It is so satisfying.

So here I was, putting yoga on my daily to-do list along with other joyful tasks such as do laundry, scrub toilet, 40 minute run, grocery store, etc. So that I could be better! And then I randomly, accidently caught the yoga funk. I do not feel like doing yoga.

I had to arrive at this shocking point before realizing that this may not be fair to myself. That maybe I am already okay and that accomplishing things may enhance my life, but it does not change who I am. I do not need to prove anything.

Then, I took a day off! I did not do yoga, I did not do laundry, scrub the toilet, go running or go to the grocery store. Much to my surprise, all my morality and personhood did not disappear (that I'm aware of). Instead, I hung out at a coffee shop/ used bookstore all day. It was deliciously counter to the way I typically run my life. While at the bookstore, I bought a Shiva Rea yoga DVD because she is a spontaneous Shakti non-dogmatic yogini.

Today, I awoke and asked myself what I really wanted to do today. Turns out, I wanted to go running, do laundry, do the dishes and enjoy some funky (in the other sense of the word) Shiva Rea yoga! What a lovely surprise.

I didn't even make a list.

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